Have you ever wished you could change your life, kick a habit or become a more positive person? Do you sometimes feel stuck in old, destructive patterns of behaviour from which you wish you could break free? Dr Karel Fourie, Senior Pastor at Kairos Ministries in Centurion, Pretoria and a certified Cognitive Behavioural Therapist (CBT), believes it is possible to change your life for the better and kick a habit permanently – if you understand how the brain works and how to rewire your neural pathways.

“Our thoughts travel on highways called neural pathways. Metaphorically speaking the wider the pathway, the easier it is to repeat the same fault. The more we repeat a thought or an action, the wider the physical highways in our brains become – and a habit or belief is formed,” Dr Fourie explains. When imagining your destructive or negative habit or way of thinking as a six-lane highway, you will understand why it is important for you to have a workable a strategy and a game plan to help you get off safely and effectively.

Declaring WAR against the ice-berg?

“Imagine your life as a ship or an ocean liner that is circling an iceberg. In this analogy, the ice-berg is the end-result of you continuing with your habit, addiction or negative thought patterns that spiral you into depression, anxiety or unhappiness. Most people try to steer their ship away from the ice-berg through acts of willpower, analytical thoughts or being confronted by the harsh reality of the situation. We refer to these mechanisms as WAR for short. The problem is that most often, these tools fail to deliver lasting results. You may have success for a short period of time, but chances are you will be right back where you started because you failed to deal with the root causes of your problem, namely the emotions that are associated with your actions. These emotions are the hidden 90 % of the iceberg that is under the water that end up influencing everything we do,” he explains.

Rewire your brain by steering your SHIP

Dr Fourie stresses that in order for you to change your emotions, you need to first and foremost effectively address and change your thought patterns. “We interpret the situations and the world around us based on our past experiences. In turn, this interpretation is based on our internal mental programme. If we want to change our programming in order to achieve better results, it therefore stands to reason that we need to change the way in which we experience and perceive life. The only way you can do this is by making sure you steer the SHIP, namely your sub-conscious, your habits, impulses and patterns”.

It is important to realize that a person’s sub-conscious cannot differentiate between what happens today or what happened yesterday. Your sub-conscious mind continues to relive the past, the lies, the negative self-talk or destructive behaviour and its accompanying the trauma. These form the neuro pathways or thought highways that is steering your ship on a direct collision course towards the iceberg. Unless you do something drastic and urgently to correct the emotions you are experiencing as a result of these thought patterns, you are heading for disaster.

“It is really true that healthy mind leads to a healthy body. Failure to address and correct negative thoughts and emotions inevitably lead to mental or physical breakdowns and chronic diseases that begin to afflict the body,” Dr Fourie warns.

Releasing the power of God’s word over your life

Proverbs 23:7 tells us “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he”. In 2 Cor 10:3-5 Paul encourages us to “destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ”. Scripture is filled with promises and exhortations to meditate on God’s Word and to speak the life-giving power of scripture over our lives and situations.

“God has given us the tools to do this, but He is not going to do it for us. You are in control of your ship and you have to do the hard work to get the results. Your emotions lead to actions. Your actions become your behaviour, which become your habits. Habits become your lifestyle and ultimately your destiny – whether good or bad,” Dr Fourie exhorts.

Practical steps to effect lasting change in your life:

1. Decide what you want.

Prov 29:18 says “Where there is no vision, the people perish”. Are you feeling the prompt of the Holy Spirit to let go of certain behaviours, patterns or to let go of a destructive thought pattern. Ask God to reveal to you what His dream or vision is for your life. Develop a clear vision of your dream, your life-map and where you want to be heading. Break it down into short-term goals that are easy-to-achieve, as well as medium and longer term goals. “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. (Habakkuk 2:2)

2. Know your WHY - and recognise what is at stake if you don’t get it

As you prayerfully meditate on God’s word, ask Him to reveal to you why you created and what His destiny is for your life. This will help you understand the importance of breaking free from the chains that are holding you back. Your WHY must be bigger than your ego. When you feel the need to give up, hold on to this motivation to drive you forward. If it’s not meaningful enough, you won’t make it when it gets tough. Make sure you use your gift to serve others around you.

3. Take Action

We most often regret the things we failed to do, than regretting the things we did do or the chances we took. Ecclesiastes 11: 4 says “If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done.” Be brave and take the first step. This might include walking away from toxic relationships or friendships that lead you to bad habits, seeking professional help to guide you on your path to healing or embarking on a healthier lifestyle. Don’t wait until you have lost everything or for all the circumstances to be favourable before you take the necessary action.

4. Re-frame your problems

It is not your problems that keep you from creating the life you want. It is the story that you tell yourself about them that provide you with the excuse you need to stay in your comfort zone. When you’re on the destructive highway, it is easy to see the problems bigger than they are and as an excuse not to move forward. Invite God to show you His perspective on the challenge you face and ask Him to reveal to you a new aspect of His character and His Name as he helps you work through your fear and insecurity.

5. Speak life to yourself

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof” (Prov 18:21). Speak God’s Word, His truth and life over your situation. Stop speaking negatively about yourself, as this creates an imprint in your brain.

6. Flip Fear

1 John 4:18 states: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear”. With neuro-associative conditioning you are able to change the areas on your life that need to be addressed before they lead to self-destruction. If you fail to handle the situation now, it is going to grow tenfold and become bigger in the years to come. You might feel paralysed by fear to make a decision now, but use this fear as the impetus you need to take the drastic action needed. See your future self as a person who is set free and walking in victory.

7. Adjust your course

The journey of a thousand miles begin with a single step. Pick an object or a small change that your hoping to accomplish and focus on that. Make sure you listen to good teachings and meditate on the Word of God as you progress forward to make sure you stay on the course and to keep you motivated.

8. Create daily

We are created in the image of God and we were given the power to create in our lives. Set your focus and attention on what you want to accomplish, speak life over it accordingly. Use your time and resources wisely. Embrace the power of creativity throughout your day to help you focus on what is good and positive in your life. Write in your journal, take up an artform such as painting or colouring-in or even cooking to help you de-stress and redirect your thoughts.

9. Daily rituals

Prioritise three things that will give you success each day. These must be small rituals that are easy to do and will give you a sense of accomplishment. It could be something as small as getting up, making your bed and brushing your teeth. It is important for you to start moving and celebrate your victories.

10. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude

Stop moaning and complaining as this leads to negative and destructive self-talk. Instead, train yourself to start recognising God’s blessings and goodness in your life and start to thank Him for it. Your perspective will soon change as you begin to focus on the good things in your life.

11. Start prioritising quality relationships

Your life is a direct reflection of the expectations of those around you. Who do you allow to speak into your life? Make time to surround yourself with people that will strengthen and encourage you and help you to become a better version of yourself. Cultivate friendships with people who will challenge you and will recognise God’s destiny and dream over your life.

12. Just do it!

Change is not change until you do it. Changing your life is a choice that only you can make. It may require making difficult decisions, moving out of your comfort zone or crucifying the flesh, but the end-results will be so worth it. As you take the first step on the road to recovery and healing, you will experience God’s grace and anointing that comes with it. In 2 Corinthians 12:9, Paul quotes Jesus who said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” God is perfect in every way. Give Him the power to make up for any weaknesses you may have.

For more information, visit kairosministries.co.za, call 061 451 6039 or email karel.kairos@gmail.com